Me: I don't wanna get down the ladder, I can't. I can't
The Tall Friend (TTF): Put your hand there, He shows me where,and your feet on the first step, then out your other hand there and your feet. Look at me.
M: I can't, can you hold me?
TTF: You can do it. Put your hand there... your feet there. Just do it slowly. We're with you, you can do it.
Me: I'll jump off the roof!
TTF: No, you can't jump, there's no enough snow yet, you'll break your legs or something.
M: Ok then, I won't get down.
TTF: You have to, do it. You can!
I looked at TheFriendlyBoss (TFB) and him in the eyes and did it. 3 times
I was just scared. I fought my terror of heights. I'm good! I feel soo farking powerful. I did it! I was actually very whiny when I got scared but it lasted 2 minutes, so whatever. We laughed our asses off. I mean hilarious. Removing snow and ice and breaking it with a shovel is very therapeutic and it helped me to let go of my anger.
You know, as I was telling TFB in an email minutes ago, being strong physically and morally is helping me to deal with my vulnerable side. I wanna be strong, I want to be powerful. I want to show I'm not a whimp. I am a woman, I'm feminine but I'm not incapable. I grew up in a household that did not give us the possibility to be both feminine and courageous/strong. I want to be able to cook awesomely yummy food and work my ass off physically. I want the best of both world. I want it all. I can, I am me, a capable, intelligent,caring and strong woman and yet at the same I have a very vulnerable side. I'm very sweet and nurturing and I DO want the best of those two worlds.
Do you not want the same? Why should we women just be good in bed or at being pretty and nurturing? Why can't we have it all? The strength, the power, the intelligence, and yet the caring, nurturing, motherly side? I want people to remember me as ME.
If I were to die today, I'd want written on my epitaph " She could do it all".
I have to be careful, I have a lot of pride, I have a tendency to overdo, I push myself. This morning after 3 hours of shoveling TFB said "Girl, you're exhausted, it's OK to stop and relax a bit. I can see it, you're drained, it's OK to stop". Later he told me that pride is bad, it's ok to have limits, it's more OK to listen to them and respect them. He's right! He's a wise guy and when he tells me stuff like this, I always know he's right and I believe him.
Lesson 1: Challenging yourself is great.
Lesson 2: Snow is damn heavy, especially after being on the roof since November and after tons of it plus rain and cold and snow and snow... (You get the picture)
Lesson 3: Always go on a roof with people you trust.
Lesson 4: The day after such a heavy exercice is going to be hard, so did TTF say.
Lesson 5: Fleece mitens weren't such a good idea! Those POS were soaked within an hour.
I'm dragging my ass back to my show. 5th season of Fortier.