So what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I feel so worthless? I need to get a grip. I need to let go of being a perfectionist because at the moment I'm not helping myself because I am pushing on myself these feeling of worthlessness. Honest to God, I know I need to get a grip. I wrote The Friendly Boss (TFB) a long email yesterday inside of which I told him about this. I'm aware of this, means I should move on eh?
My self worth is linked to what I do, that I get but I am still me. I am still the hard worker, motivated, happy I'm the professional, that didn't change. I am still ME. I will get myself a fabulous job soon. I will get back to a place I need to be at. But for the moment I need to relax a bit, I need to not be so hard on myself. I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not saying this to convince any of you guys, it's to help it sink in in my head.
I went to the meeting I had for the organisation I'm a member of and even tho I didn't feel like it, even tho I wish I didn't had to go, I went and I'm glad I did. People were nice, it was interesting and I felt I was important, It helped me feel better, it made me feel useful. Like when I got home tonight from a nice evening at The Tall Friend (TTF) and his wife (I'm sorry sweetie, you are going to have to help me find a nickname for you) I had a message on my answering machine from my dear Sweet Wife (SW). She needs my help for something and I was soo happy to say yes, not just because I love her and TFB dearly, not just because I would do anything for my friends (which is true) but very much because it's going to make me feel useful. I will be useful, how fucking beautiful is this?
I made chocolate truffle when I got home tonight (well the ganache part) and I will roll them tomorrow. I also baked brownies for the meeting I have tomorrow night. I'm doing all of this to feel better and it's helping. Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be a great day. I'm going to be looking for a job, I'll go to TFB and SW's house in the afternoon and will have dinner there and I've got a meeting in the evening.
What else? I've worked on the Parish's application to get a student program this summer, it needs to be well composed so we'll get the student and the money to pay him/her.
Have a great night and take all care... Thanks for bearing with me!
PS: I had lunch with my former HR director and it was very nice, she was sweet and fun and caring. We had a great time. She did pay for lunch too. I am glad we had lunch together...