Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Just a short update

Forgive me my friends for being so self-centered these days. cry I feel I've nothing fun to blog about, I almost loathe myself because of the fact that I am unemployed. I feel my potential is wasted, who am I if I'm not working? It's not such a good feeling, I know it's a wee bit ridiculous, I've paid so much in the unemployment fund through my taxes while working, I didn't quit my job, I was laid off because my employer isn't doing well because of the crisis in that industry. I was told over and over again how amazing I was, how professional I am, how much I'm worth as a person and as an employee.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I feel so worthless? I need to get a grip. I need to let go of being a perfectionist because at the moment I'm not helping myself because I am pushing on myself these feeling of worthlessness. evil Honest to God, I know I need to get a grip. I wrote The Friendly Boss (TFB) a long email yesterday inside of which I told him about this. I'm aware of this, means I should move on eh?

My self worth is linked to what I do, that I get but I am still me. I am still the hard worker, motivated, happy I'm the professional, that didn't change. I am still ME. I will get myself a fabulous job soon. I will get back to a place I need to be at. But for the moment I need to relax a bit, I need to not be so hard on myself. I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not saying this to convince any of you guys, it's to help it sink in in my head.mrgreen

I went to the meeting I had for the organisation I'm a member of and even tho I didn't feel like it, even tho I wish I didn't had to go, I went and I'm glad I did. People were nice, it was interesting and I felt I was important, It helped me feel better, it made me feel useful. Like when I got home tonight from a nice evening at The Tall Friend (TTF) and his wife (I'm sorry sweetie, you are going to have to help me find a nickname for you) I had a message on my answering machine from my dear Sweet Wife (SW). She needs my help for something and I was soo happy to say yes, not just because I love her and TFB dearly, not just because I would do anything for my friends (which is true) but very much because it's going to make me feel useful. I will be useful, how fucking beautiful is this? mrgreen

I made chocolate truffle when I got home tonight (well the ganache part) and I will roll them tomorrow. I also baked brownies for the meeting I have tomorrow night. I'm doing all of this to feel better and it's helping. Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be a great day. I'm going to be looking for a job, I'll go to TFB and SW's house in the afternoon and will have dinner there and I've got a meeting in the evening.

What else? I've worked on the Parish's application to get a student program this summer, it needs to be well composed so we'll get the student and the money to pay him/her.

Have a great night and take all care... Thanks for bearing with me!

PS: I had lunch with my former HR director and it was very nice, she was sweet and fun and caring. We had a great time. She did pay for lunch too. wink I am glad we had lunch together...


The Gal Herself said...

Remember, your job is what you DO, not who you ARE. All the wonderful qualities you brought to your job are still there. And you may have been laid off, but you weren't fired. There's a tremendous difference. It's nothing you did that landed you in this predicament, it was unforeseen business issues. It happens all the time and none of your prospective employers will view it as any reflection on you or your abilities. "Shit happens," you know? You're right -- you will get yourself a fabulous job soon. You will!

Your instincts serve you well. Going to that meeting was a very wise thing to do. Keeping busy and feeling useful will get you outside of your head a bit and help you maintain that positive attitude.

You're an impressive woman with a lot of energy, a strong work ethic and a wonderful set of values. I will be happy for you, but not at all surprised, when you land that fabulous new job.

No Nonsense Girl said...

The Gal:

Thanks from the botom of my heart for this message. (((((hugs)))))

jehara said...

i can completely relate to the self-worth thing. while i was unemployed i started to feel very very worthless and as if my life held no meaning. it definitely was a struggle to remind myself that my job is not who i am but what i do. just keep reminding yourself of that. and know that you are doing everything you can do possible to find new work. you are doing brilliantly! hang in there!

Vixen said...

Darling, please note you are worthy and strong and impressive. I totally understand about the job thing though. Been there and done that. Not sure how I got out of it, but I did and you will too. Personalities like ours just can't be without work/sense of purpose. That strong work ethic will serve you well throughout your life (trust me on that), but it can be a b*tch when job-wise things are not so hot. Don't let it get you down.

Anonymous said...

How can anyone who makes truffles be worthless?

The right thing will happen for you. There's a time, and a season, and I hope that your fallow time will lead to richer things for you.

Izzybella said...

I can understand how you feel. You have a good work ethic and that is a great characteristic. But work isn't who you are, it's what you do. From what little I know of you, you are a dedicated, enthusiastic, positive person. That's the type of person what gets hired!! :)

I know good things will be happening soon.