Friday, January 18, 2008

It's Friday night and I'm relaxing....

You know what surprises me the most in the light of the recent news? How fast I went back to prayer, it's always going back to what is essential in time of crisis to focus on what needs to be done... Roll up our sleeves and focus on what needs to be done. But whatever, I've been praying a lot, I've been doing the serenity prayers as much as I do breathings. lol

One sentence that was on my mind a lot "My heart is steadfast God, My heart is steadfast". And I kept taking myself back mentally to where I need to be. When it's at work, to be there 110%, focus baby, focus. I know I'm kinda hard on myself, don't worry, I know but whatever, it's keeping me pretty happy and positive.

I've prayed and repeated in my mind Don't take it personal, it has nothing to do with you, breathe, calm down, it has nothing to do with you".

People commented on my ability to focus and how strong I am. What the fuck? Would you really want me to lose it in front of you? You'd like me to cry and cry? What would you do? I'm just not willing to open up my sadness and my emotions at work. I have trouble opening up to friends, I'm just not going to do it with strangers.

I stayed until 17h30 yesterday because something needed to be taken care of and this morning I was at my office working at 7h20. I am paid BTW from 8h00 to 17h00. I am not paid for overtime, and even if I'm leaving next Friday, I'm acting like I'm going to be employed by the company for 20 more years. Does it make sense to you? Because it's shocks so many people at work that I react that way.

I know I shut off my emotions when in turmoil, I don't open up easily, that's why I was saying how great it was that I open up with TFB so easily . mrgreen I keep my eyes on the goal, focus and keep the peace because when one door shuts down, 10 more open. I believe there's something waiting for me... I know NO details but in my heart I believe that everything will be OK.

It's not easy and I'm not super woman, seriously I'm not but I control only my attitude and that makes the difference in how I see things.

I'm ready to relax all weekend, I'll drag my butt to church tomorrow but the rest of the weekend is up for peace, quietness.... I'll keep in touch with TFB and SW and with other friend. mrgreen

I'm sleepy, I drank some Amarula a little earlier, poured some in a glass, straight from the bottle, I would have drank some more but I didn't wanted to get drunk...I know, I'm a good girl. Mr.Cat is looking at me, he's a hater, this cat is just not supportive, he just focus on his own little cat needs! lol I will put a lot of food in his bowl so he lets me sleep in tomorrow.lolAs I'm being mean to him, he just lays on the fllow looking all cute. :sigh: You never win with 'em males. lol TFB would call me a sexist right at this moment if he heard me. Whatever, you guys are mysterious, humans or cats. lol

Sorry for the long entry, It felt good. mrgreen


Open Grove Claudia said...

I think there's a time for being tough and a time for feeling. The work you are doing now will not go unnoticed. When the company hires again, or someone starts their own, my guess is that you will be rehired if it's what you want.

Have you thought about what you might want to do for a living?

No Nonsense girl said...

Hi Claudia,

You are right, and while I'm at work, it's time to be tough, I think. I agree that they'll remember who I am, how I reacted and the quality of my work.

I love customer service and sales, I know I'm good at it. I need to choose whatever I'll be doing, you are right about that.

Thanks for everything.