Friday, October 10, 2008

A much due update

As requested by Vixen this afternoon I'll post an update for everyone who've been following me for the past 15 months.

School, well I'm glad I took the class because I got to meet 2 awesome women who that I've grown to be really close to in a matter of weeks.

Sometimes Life puts someone on your road and it feels you've known this person all your life, in a matter of days there's a bond that is impossible for me to explain, a trust that feel we've known each other for a million of years and a love that's unexplainable... But freaking good and positive and sweet and great. So I've met 2  friends and one of them is a shining star who's helped me to grow soo much in such a short time. 

I'm going to finish the program but I'm not at my place. I want to work with humans, I wanna help other people, I want to listen, make in a difference, I want to use my heart, not just my brain. 

I'm going to finish this program and probably be doing a Bachelor degree in Social Work, for sure I'm going to go in that field. The details are still being thought about at the moment. 

I've lived some type of awakening, the Catholic Church just isn't my place anymore, I don't believe in the doctrine, I don't believe in most of the tenets of the church. The awakening is leading me to a more human belief, to a more spiritual but absolutely not religious path. I'm fine in that but I feel I'm going to disapoint soo many of my friends. It's like I'm outing myself out of the closet. It would almost be easier to come out about something like being gay or having had an abortion because few of my friends that I love very much are really strong in their beliefs and I just want to keep them as friends but the religious part just isn't me anymore. And I mean, I'm not even sure I consider myself Christian anymore. It's that good or that bad depends on which side of the fence you're sitting on. Ha!Ha!Ha!!!

Last tuesday (on the 3oth of september) I got myself a tattoo. I'd been thinking about it for several months and finally got it and man, this has changed me in several ways. I got the kanji sign for "Courage" tattooed on my lower back. It's beautiful and it's been healing well. I'm almost done and I don't feel anything but happiness about this part of myself.

I was able to finally realise and feel good about something else. I love men, I find them beautiful, smart, sweet, sexy BUT I've never seen myself in a relationship. 

I got into the whole "society that pressures women to be in a relationship if they want to be normal" but man, I want to stay single. I'm happy and content that way, I don't want a boyfriend or a partner or nothing. I'm happy as myself and there's nothing wrong about it. There's nothing wrong about me.

I doubt I'll ever have kids, if I come to that, I'll do Artificial Insemination but quite honestly, I adore kids but I don't have the feeling inside of me that cries for maternity. I love kids and babies and I'm a great auntie but I don't have a call to motherhood and I'm normal and fuck society if it wants to make me feel bad about it.

There's not much else going on. I need to get my butt back to my accounting assignments for the weekend. I've got a lot of work to do.

I'm here and I'm happy!



Anonymous said...

I missed hearing from you! You should put some pics up of your tattoo when it's all healed.

On a Limb with Claudia said...

Bon chance! It seems like you are doing well - and how lovely is that!


Nicholas said...

Thank you! I had been wondering where you were and what was up with you! So nice to see you again.

Jenny McB said...

So glad to see that you are enjoying your choices. Way to be! And you being a social worker? Yep, I can see that based on your thoughtful posts and comments.

jehara said...

it's so good to hear back from you! i have definitely missed reading you. sounds like you have experienced a lot of changes. i love the idea of your tattoo. looking forward to reading you again ;)

The Gal Herself said...

I've missed you, Ms. Canada! Mr. Cat, too.

I went on a similar spiritual journey and ended up a Unitarian Universalist. I still consider myself a Christian, but I'm a more inclusive Christian than most of the organized churches seem ready to let me be, so I found myself worshipping as a UU and it makes me happy. Please be sure to keep us posted.

Your career path sounds exciting, too!

Give Mr. Cat a head rub, right there between the ears, for me.

candyQ said...

Hey, I miss you! Hope all's well and that you're happy. :o)

Anonymous said...

...I tagged you for a meme...

jehara said...

just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. hope all is well. miss you!


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Izzybella said...

Thanks for the update. It's been so long since you posted that I haven't even checked here in a while. Now that I know there might be an every now and then post I'll be back.

take care of yourself. I'm glad you are finding your way.