Friday, October 10, 2008
A much due update
As requested by Vixen this afternoon I'll post an update for everyone who've been following me for the past 15 months.
School, well I'm glad I took the class because I got to meet 2 awesome women who that I've grown to be really close to in a matter of weeks.
Sometimes Life puts someone on your road and it feels you've known this person all your life, in a matter of days there's a bond that is impossible for me to explain, a trust that feel we've known each other for a million of years and a love that's unexplainable... But freaking good and positive and sweet and great. So I've met 2 friends and one of them is a shining star who's helped me to grow soo much in such a short time.
I'm going to finish the program but I'm not at my place. I want to work with humans, I wanna help other people, I want to listen, make in a difference, I want to use my heart, not just my brain.
I'm going to finish this program and probably be doing a Bachelor degree in Social Work, for sure I'm going to go in that field. The details are still being thought about at the moment.
I've lived some type of awakening, the Catholic Church just isn't my place anymore, I don't believe in the doctrine, I don't believe in most of the tenets of the church. The awakening is leading me to a more human belief, to a more spiritual but absolutely not religious path. I'm fine in that but I feel I'm going to disapoint soo many of my friends. It's like I'm outing myself out of the closet. It would almost be easier to come out about something like being gay or having had an abortion because few of my friends that I love very much are really strong in their beliefs and I just want to keep them as friends but the religious part just isn't me anymore. And I mean, I'm not even sure I consider myself Christian anymore. It's that good or that bad depends on which side of the fence you're sitting on. Ha!Ha!Ha!!!
Last tuesday (on the 3oth of september) I got myself a tattoo. I'd been thinking about it for several months and finally got it and man, this has changed me in several ways. I got the kanji sign for "Courage" tattooed on my lower back. It's beautiful and it's been healing well. I'm almost done and I don't feel anything but happiness about this part of myself.
I was able to finally realise and feel good about something else. I love men, I find them beautiful, smart, sweet, sexy BUT I've never seen myself in a relationship.
I got into the whole "society that pressures women to be in a relationship if they want to be normal" but man, I want to stay single. I'm happy and content that way, I don't want a boyfriend or a partner or nothing. I'm happy as myself and there's nothing wrong about it. There's nothing wrong about me.
I doubt I'll ever have kids, if I come to that, I'll do Artificial Insemination but quite honestly, I adore kids but I don't have the feeling inside of me that cries for maternity. I love kids and babies and I'm a great auntie but I don't have a call to motherhood and I'm normal and fuck society if it wants to make me feel bad about it.
There's not much else going on. I need to get my butt back to my accounting assignments for the weekend. I've got a lot of work to do.
I'm here and I'm happy!