Saturday, April 26, 2008

25 things all women should learn to do already

Taken from Jezebel, this is inspiring. I'm copying ans posting part of the article and directly you with the link to the website where the article was posted. I am not the author but go check the link. There's lot of cool stuff on Jezebel.

Chop vegetables like Penelope Cruz in Volver.
Onions, peppers, garlic cloves and olive oil: are there truer friends in times of economic woe? (Besides Top Ramen duh.) Is there any other aspect of women's work so fundamental to the survival of the species? I dunno, I'm just making excuses, I just think it's sexy.

Choose a perfume.
Floral scents, what can I say: I hate them. Yes, toilet water is an overpriced luxury good, but considering all the cash we blow on overpriced luxury goods dedicated to appealing to one's sense of sight and touch, you'd think we wouldn't be so thoughtless when it comes to the ritual of coughing up a hundred bucks to have that whole other sense covered for the next half year. So go: I may never encourage you to spend money again; spend some quality time at Sephora and come out smelling like something more interesting than a boutique hotel.

Tell the truth.
I can't make it tonight. I have a date. I'm interested in your ex-boyfriend. When you cheated on your husband it really disturbed me. You should maybe look into taking responsibility for your actions. "I would like to put a hit out on your therapist." I know, it's not easy. But isn't that kind of sad?

Withhold information.
Gossip is analogous to bacteria; humankind could not survive without it, but it can be deleterious in an unhealthy context. Get into the habit of withholding a certain amount of pointless amusing information just to keep your immune system in shape.

Take nothing personally.
He didn't do it to hurt you, and if he did, that's fucking weird. Humans are self-obsessed, that's the only reason you think this is about you, when it's really about something that has left people much smarter than us befuddled for millennia now, so you might as well focus on what you can control, which leads me to...

Take yourself personally.
Your persistent low self-esteem: how did it get that way? Were you awkward growing up? Not quick or witty enough? Just ugly? Once you gained a shred of confidence, did you blow your wad seeking out companions you knew would make you feel inadequate? Why? Think you're a narcissist? Or just a weak person? Guess what? We're all different. We're all completely individual assemblages of genetic traits and collected experiences. We're all special, which is precisely what makes us so un-special. If you harbor lingering dissatisfaction with yourself, figuring out what it is is a pretty good way to start coming to terms with that.

Apply makeup without a mirror.
You do this every day, right? Have a little faith in your abilities. Be that girl who is capable of leaving the house on three minutes' notice.

Assemble furniture.
Ikea would not sell $20 billion worth of furniture every year if putting it together was really that hard. It's a pain in the ass, sure. Your ancestors got their water from wells.

Get off.
It has never been easier. There are vibrators at CVS. Porn is an ill-advised Google Image Search away. And really, we all need sex. If you masturbate enough, you'll only seek out casual sex for self-affirmation. And knowing you are doing that will make it a lot easier to handle rejection!

Get hit on politely.
Go ahead and smile, make eye contact; he's probably not trying to rape you. The sexual charge will defuse over time and in the interim you can maybe make a friend. Dudes bear an unfair percentage of the responsibility for flirting in this society, just as we bear an unfair percentage of the responsibility for looking pretty. Let's be sympathetic to one another, how about?

Cry.
There's an unlimited number of reasons you should. To do anything about any of that you have to stop crying eventually. You'll know when.

On second thought, laugh!
God, don't we feel lame after all that crying? So lame we actually laughed at that Dane Cook bit on the lameness of crying. Anything will make you laugh when you've finally gotten sick of crying, but hey, that's cool, dudes love it when you laugh at your jokes and that heady mix of "no pride" and "no standards" is the essence of funny jokes and good drunken one-night stands. Try to laugh as much as possible.

Know when you truly cannot do something.
And fuck no I am not talking about living heavy objects or figuring out how to use Excel. I'm talking about making as much money as your sorority friends, or having a child by 35, or marrying your boyfriend, or being anything better than mediocre at something you think is important.

For the rest, visit this link.

10 comments:

On a limb with Claudia said...

Looks like I have a lot to learn! :) Thanks for sharing the article.

No Nonsense Girl said...

Yeah Claudia, lots of great things to learn. :)

The OE said...

Maintain National security

SandyCarlson said...

This is awesome. "Tell the Truth" struck a chord. So did "Withhold Information." I've seen the lack of truth and the prevalence of baloney destroy groups from families to churches.

All of these are wonderful, though. I guess we need to be kind to ourselves.

Thanks for stopping by.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Pick a perfume? Yeah, that'll go over well with my asthma.

And come on. Pick a perfume?

projectmommy said...

Tjis is VERY inspiring! We should all try to do more of these!

Hazel Nut said...

I can never admit that I can't do anything - I always take it as a challenge. After calling a junk removal place and finding out it would cost me $60/hour to have a sofabed taken apart and removed from my trailer I decided I could do it myself! Well I did although my hands are bruised and cut up. But I feel very satisfied with my effort. I still have to get it picked up and carted off however, as I don't own a truck....perhaps if I sawed it up into manageable pieces...

ruffdiamond said...

This is a pretty cool list! I may not spend a few hundred on a perfume but I can learn to start wearing it more. Maybe then people won't avoid me as much, lol.

Izzybella said...

Awesome article. The only thing I disagree with is putting makeup on without a mirror. I did that once. Then later in the day I saw myself in the mirror. NOT pretty. So, I think I'll stick to my morning routine, but I feel pretty good about that!

No Nonsense Girl said...

I'm glad you guys like the article. :)