I'm a blubbering mess, this means I'm making progress doesn't it?

What do you think? I sent DN an email to thank her and I also said that this has been good in the way that the untouchable, cold-hearted and wouldn't cry girl is now a blubbering mess who cried like a freakin idiot most of the days. In.front.of.people, in front of strangers, like even total strangers.

I'm totally in favor of public displays of sadness, the fact was that in the past 3 years, my heart was cold as hell (), it was difficult to shed a tear for MYSELF, difficult as in near impossible. Crying for a total stranger Yeah, crying for a pathetic SOB story on tv, could do. But really crying for me? Impossible!

Sometimes, it seems best at a time to block emotions when things are too painful but when the switch won't work again, it's puzzling. Anyway, MsDM's death and last weeks has put the switch back to "normal". I'm feeling things again and I'm able to cry. Making progress As in moving on!

This is such an amazing gift, I'm going to write DN about it all, she deserves to know. She was amazing, I swear to God, she, her sister and her mother touched my heart on levels you can't make up. We laughed and cried and another PSA is that I'm blonde, well not physically but I'm totally one.

I think I'll call SW tomorrow, I'd like to have a coffee and chat and have a good cry with her. We need a heart-to-heart, we'll see about that because TFB retired today, and I know he needs a big ass break.

Goodnight all!

Passing to the other side

I'm sorry I haven't been writting in the last few days. I spent a lot of time at the hospital with MsDM.

On the morning of tuesday July 24th, at 6h30, she passed away. While it happened we (one of her niece, her brother and I) were holding her hands and speaking to her, and it was a real blessing for me to be there. I believe that those that are dying choose who'll be present when they do die. I'll explain more on another entry, right now, I have to get ready. I have to get to work first because someone needs to do PR work and then off to the funeral home.

The viewing at the funeral home starts at 10 AM until 14h30. The funerals at church are going to be at 15h00 and we'll go from there to the cemetary.

MsDM, I love you, thanks for everything you did, thanks for teaching me soo much. I know you finally reunited with your mom and dad and all of those you loved but that were already gone. May heaven be as you dreamed of it and as beautiful as the look you had a minute before you died. Love you a lot

R.I.P MsDM
I love you!

A spider tale

Overheard at the lake this afternoon....

- "Oh.My.God, there's a spider in my safety vest" I hear myself yell.

I quickly take the vest off and start to pull on my tank top, in total panic. I don't care of I'm showing my bra, I want the spider OFF me, hear it!!!

- Oh. My. Where the hell is it? Where is it???? (By the way, no one replies to me, they are laughing their asses off.)

Anyway, after 3-4 minutes of pulling on my tank top ( up and down) and moving it around... I hear my friend tell his 12 years old son "Son, you now know what you have to do if you want a girl to take her shirt off, just tell her there's a spider inside of it. " Thanks pal, yer funny.

Later my friend TheNurse shouts:

We all know that No Nonsense girl is terrified of insects and now we know she is wearing a beige seamless bra. Thanks for showing us your boobs, especially to The Seminarian (studying to become a catholic priest).

PSA about hospital visits

It never dawned on me that I was going to ever need to do a PSA (Public Service Announcement) concerning hospital visits. I should have known better, people are insane, after all. While visiting MsDM an acquaintance of us comes to visit. It seems nice eh?

Lets call her WhinyH, she's a 40 something very messed up lady. And by messed up I mean "not crazy enough to be locked up, but shouldn't really be free either". WhinyH tells us she just got out of her physical therapist appointment and tells us ALL the fucking details of her real-or-not illness.

She suffers from:

ciatis,blocked artheries and she's recovering from a CVA and before that had an ischemic stroke (whatever that is). She previously had anorexia, she was hospitalized for several years, she plays music, she's got more degrees than you can ever get. She's got it all.

Think of something you did, WhinyH did it, and she did it faster and the result was better than yours. Just think of anything that may have happened to you, well, she went tru it and it was WORSE. I'm telling you, she has been tru ALL. I'm pretty sure she was crucified, tortured, kidnapped, attacked, put in concentration camp.

MsDM was tired, she couldn't place a word. WhinyH just wouldn't shut the hell up. Honestly, if you visit someone who's dying, for God's sake, Shut the fuck up about your real or not problems. She's dying, you are making her anxious. She's way too nice to told you to STFU because she thinks your life was hard enough.

Go there, kiss her, talk to her, hold her hand but keep for yourself anything that's TMI, keep for yourself all these fucking traumas, keep for yourself everything that only your poor therapist has to hear. Oh.My. your therapist is a saint. I would drink myself silly if you were a patient of mine.

Please WhinyH, if you are going to come again, you oughta keep your mouth shut about these details because I'll kick your ass. Also, keep your freaking remarks about my clothes and my hair for outside of the hospital. Someone's freaking dying here. Someone needs peace, just pray for her but for god's sake SHUT UP about that nonsense. MsDM doesn't need more worries, I don't care if you like my friggin hair, if you think I look good in the newspaper or if you are satisfied with my friggin work. We are here to support MsDM on her journey to friggin afterlife.

This isn't a friggin Daughters of Isabella's meetin or a tea party. Are you able to take your friggin eyes of your own bellybutton. It's not about you, or I or anything else than MsDM.

Yeah, I wasn't soo nice with you and yeah, I kept on interrupting you but for some reasons, you weren't seeing how tired MsDM was and how agitated she was.

WhinyH, here's a buck, go buy yourself a clue. I understand you had a troubled life, I do also understand you suffer from BPD , but you are smart enough to understand better. She needs peace, quietness and someone to be there, listen and hold her hand. Not make her sick to her stomach with TMI, not have to hear you whine and whine and whine about your life. :::pfft:::

I hate people like that, I was soo pissed off and worried about MsDM. Next time, I'll gently take her out and make her leave.

On the other end, Dear Niece (not mine, MsDM's) is back, she's such a sweetheart. I'll offer that the two of us do something nice like going for a coffee or eat out inbetween hospital visits. That woman is really sweet and her heart is very pure... I'm good at feeling those things.

I went to mass tonight, after few weeks without going it was very nice. It's not that I have a problem with eucharist, it's the people that piss me off. Because of the fact that I work for the parish, I have to hear all the nonsense about anything that goes on in the parish. That's the part I can't stand. But today was good, and that's very nice.

Oh and for the Novena to St-Anne, here's today's prayer. MsDM, this one is for you.

Glorious Saint Anne,
I kneel in confidence at your feet,
for you also have tasted the bitterness and sorrow of life.
My necessities, the cause of my tears, are...

http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/novenas/p00007.htm

Not very witty tonight!

Sadly, I'm not witty or funny tonight. I guess it's because it's friday night and the week was crazy at work and on the private sides. It's a week after The Breakup and it seems soo much water has gone under the bridge. A week and it's night and days.

SW would be soo proud of me. I was able to stop NA from going on about my dating situation. I did exactly like SW and I talked about yesterday:

There is nothing to talk about and I WILL NOT to discuss any of this.

I had to say it 3 times in a row but it worked.

A week after the breakup and I sleep better, my mood is better and I can give soo much more at work and with friends. It has lift pounds of rocks of my chest. That's just amazing.

In regards to MsDM, she's alive. I spent 3 hours there this afternoon. I have agreed to take the schedule of being there for supper this weekend and we'll check what spot I can fill next week. I could take monday and friday for supper, the rest, yours truely is working until later these evenings. I wish I could be replaced for some nights. :::sigh:::

Have I already said that I was free? It feels soo good! I need to work on an assignement that SW gave me yesterday. I'm off to do it, have a great night! Bonne nuit!

An update on MsDM

It's not a very good update, I mean there isn't going to be an improvement. Au contraire, it's going down. MsDM isn't "there" as she was as of tuesday. The doctors are trying to figure out if she isn't reacting well to the morphine OR if it's just going down faster than they believed. And by down, I'm talking about the BIG trip...

Having daily visits, having someone present at meal time to make her eat is important. She's also having frequent visits from a priest. My heart aches for her, I'm just sad to see her in such pain but I also understand that when you are 80 something, your life has been lived, you had time to fully enjoy it and feel the happiness. It's been a time of reconciliation with MsDM, she had the opportunity to reunite with estranged family members and it was perfect.

Being at peace with yourself and others before dying is a freaking good idea. This afternoon I was trying to explain to her Dear Niece (DN) that being with MsDM doesn't just bring me love, it kinda makes me reconnect with some members of my family. Through her, I'm having that possibility. It's strange but in the end it's all good.

Because we are preparing for Ste-Anna's feast ( July 26th) and because I prayed the novena this afternoon with MsDM, I'm going to post a little image of that said devotion.


PS: I hope I'm not depressing anyone but you know, blogging is like therapy and it's a free one. Also, you are free to read me or not.

Ste-Anna and her daughter Mary

Thanks to WolverineXO2

This guy helped me with his blog to add smilies to my blog. I followed the step by step instruction and it worked!!! I did what any satisfied user should do and it's to post about you and let others know.

You rock!

This is the website

I'm really having a proud computer moment.

The rudeness of people slay me!

You know what? People slay me! This is a long post, I hope you'll follow me until the end. It's worth reading.

There's some rude ass people out there, you know people who have no clue what's appropriate or not to say. I mean whether you are in your 20s or in your 50s you should have gotten a bit of common sense. Shouldn't you have gotten the basic education?

When someone tells you they have decided to leave their significant other, their boyfriend, their whatever mattered to them, it freaking doesn't give you the right to ask over and over again the details of what exactly happened.

If I didn't tell you the details, it's a clue it's none of your business, right? What's up with asking those questions? What happened with minding your own freaking business? It's rude to ask over and over again questions about private matters that DO NOT concern you. IT IS RUDE!!!

I had to tell NoseyAcquaintance (NA) and her husband (NAH) that I'd still be going to dinner on friday but that The Ex Boyfriend wouldn't be there after all. I wanted to be nice and let them know in advance so they wouldn't buy and prepare too much food. Seems easy eh? I called, told her, she asked too many questions, but I ASSumed she got a clue. What do they say about ASSuming eh? , you make an ASS of U and ME? ::::sarcasm:::

This is a quote from a conversation from yesterday with NA, it was BTW church-related, had nothing to do with my dating situation...

NA= I still can't believed it.

ME=...These things happen, it's fine

NA= But exactly, what happened?

ME=...nothing, there's nothing to talk about

NA= as of last week, you two were soo happy, I could see it, what happened

ME=...( I was getting pissed off)...nothing happen NA, like I told you, The Ex Boyfriend and I decided to split, we weren't meant for each other...

NA= I don't get it

ME= ...(thinking about saying WHAT THE HELL????) okay, about the reason I called... (she then interupts me rudly and says)

NA= So...you don't think you guys are going to be back, do you hate him? What happened??? You seemed soo happy!!!

ME= ????? (starting to be really annoyed, my tone was changing)...Like I said, I'm fine, he's fine, lets move on.

NA= So, was it because he was scared? Because NAH was really scared when we started to date.. Maybe it's because you had your place, he had his and you had your pet, he had his!!! Maybe it was sex related!!

ME=...(actually thinking IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, NONE, YA HEAR ME????? GET A FREAKING GRIP!!!!)

.....(Taking a long breathe)...I'm happy, that's it. We decided to split, we weren't meant for each other. That's it. Simple as this.

NA= Well, we'll talk about it on friday...

ME= ...Like I told NAH, I don't feel the need to talk about it, there is NOTHING to talk about... So, back to the reason I called, can you let NAH that the item is ready.

NA= oh, okay, I'll set him know and...

ME= ...okay now, I have to hang up, someone just got in and I have to be available. See you on friday!

NA= bye

(and I hung up the phone, really pissed off)

HUH?? What the hell? What happens in my intimate life stays private. It means that I'm going to share with some selected few people that I trust and that are close to me like these people. And yeah, I called SW and told her all about rude ass people and the fact that I'm SOO over it. And what i'll do is that I'll make it clear upon my arrival that if they want to talk about The Ex boyfriend and my dating situation, i'll be leaving. I don't want to talk about it. Period.

I wish I was good at lying, I'd make up something to cancel my presence at that dinner. God, if you're listening, can you do something? I'm going to be firm SW that this isn't something I'm willing to discuss and if that's what they want, I just won't be attending.

And to show that normal people still exist, on tuesday night I babysat my friend's kids, they told me "If you want to talk, we're here, if not we aren't going to ask you questions. .

That, my friends is what normal people do.

A not soo funny post...

Someone I really care about has terminal cancer. We'll call her MsDivineMercy (MsDM, I picked that name because it's one of the devotion she really believes in. MsDM is eighty something years old. She's a single lady who devoted her life to the church as a lay person.

She's been at the local hospital for a week now. I, and many others visit her daily. She learned last night that it was terminal and has started to receive morphine. We already knew, I mean it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out but last night was the official DX'd.

I've always told her how much she mattered to me, I'm actually very sad. If you can think of her, pray for her or send her good vibes, it would be really nice. I'm going to go see her after work.

I'm posting this, just for you MsDM, with all my love. May you feel His peace and may your heart be filled with His love in these moments.

Things that make you go HUH!?

Let's just say that I hate when people make up stories and scenarios when nothing was said or done to cause such thing. I can't stand when someone gives me intention or assumes stuff about MY thoughts. They perceive something that's unreal, untrue and unfounded but because they've felt it, they freaking believe it's true.

I know guys, I know...Could I be more confusing? Or a little less specific? Please bear with me.

I don't even know why it shocks me. After 20 something years of living, you'd think I would have gotten used of the fact that 3 people out of 4 are freaks? I guess I haven't.

All of this was started when I got an email from The Ex Boyfriend. Now I need a drink, too freaking bad I'm at work and that it's not even 10 AM yet eh? :)

Back on the market!!!

The Boyfriend and I are done, I'm back on the market.

I'm not going to reveal it all, this isn't a place to air my dirty laundry.The FriendlyBoss (TFB) and his Sweet Wife (SW) and I talked about it for the longest time on friday. I wasn't feeling well, my feelings were hurt, I turned to them and I have no regrets what.so.ever. I have nothing left to hide from them, there's not much they don't know now. He He He!!! I'm totally cool with this by the way.

It's ok, I'm happy, I'm relieved and finally, I feel free. Dis is all going to work out.I was blessed to be supported, surrounded and reassured by people who care about me and have my best interest at heart. So, this is a PSA, I'm back on the market and I want an easy relationship, something that makes me feel good. No freaks, and by that I mean NO FREAKS!!!

SW said to me:

If you don't feel free, If you don't feel you have wings, If there's no chemistry between the two of you, then NoNonsense girl, he isn't the ONE. Love is about feeling happy, you'll know when you meet Him.

I know she's right, she feels that way about TFB and I see other married couple who live the real deal. And that makes me feel soo freaking good! TFB and SW thanks soo much for everything. You guys rock!

Can we rent the church?

I have a little story of people's weirdness.

We go back in time few months ago, we get a call that a couple fromThe area is trying to convince The Parish to have them rent out the church for a civil marriage.

Huh?

Are they serious? I ask a co-worker...

I mean would I ask ask a baptist church to loan me their building for a catholic wedding? Would I ask to rent a synagogue to celebrate something that doesn't fit in their beliefs?We are a church people, not a business, that's total nonsense. What's the point of celebrating a civil marriage INSIDE a catholic church?

Now, I don't have an issue with civil unions, I don't have an issue with couple preferring not to be married within the church, I just can't stand nonsense. That was ridiculous!!!

The couple were lucky I wasn't the one answering their request. :) I would have had issues talking myself not to be a bitch.

Oh and just so you know

Even tho I work for the catholic church and I attend mass ( but I have't been going in 4 weeks for a multiple of not soo good reasons), I don't always agree with the Holy See, no I don't. Now if you want to damn me to hell or excommunicate me, get ready to fight truely yours.

Believing in something doesn't mean to blindly follow everything. I'm a believer but I also I'm a 20 something years old woman livin in 2007. That means my faith is part of who I am but not ALL of it, it means I enjoy life, I have friends, go out, think of men, date, watch and enjoy Harry Potter, eating out and I also think outside the box.

Just in case http://thefoodwhore.com is reading, I don't eat velveeta cheese. ;)

I spend most of my days thinking " That's just unfreakingbelievable".

First message, let me introduce myself

Welcome to my life. I'm a church worker but I'm the No Nonsense type of girl. I can't stand drama queens, I just don't have patience for nonsense anymore. I guess you could say I'm a bitch but au contraire, I just want to enjoy life.

Working for a church is something, as in bursting bubble time BIG time. I'm not whining about my co-workers, they are awesome. I'm talking about church goers. I could tell y'all millions of stories, lets just say I won't give out names. The double standards in a parish life is just mind boggling, as in WTF just happened?

I'll give you a back history, we'll call her MrsJudgmental, always is the first to attend mass and sing in choirs and help out, but she likes to spread out rumors. Anyways, she comes to me back in the fall and shouts

"I've always hated you and believed you were worthless but let me tell you how impressed I am of your work, you are good after all"

WTF??? :::pick up jaws from the floors:::

I stood there, smiled and said thanks butI wanted to yell:

what the hell's wrong with you anyway? Are you going to quit spreading shit about me now? Who are you anyways????

It was hard, I had to control myself but I didn't yell at her, I was a good girl. That's nothing because MrsJudgemental isn't the worse of them all church goers....

Sometimes I hate people...