Anyone who wants to "save" me?

I gave myself a severe headache, it's my own fault, I know. I'm trying to set up a website for The Parish. I've got the page up, it's hosted by my Internet Provider. It's blank but whatever. I have my FTP server username and password, I have a licensed copy of Dreamweaver but for God's sake, I can't seem to be able to transfer what I do to the actual server.

Can someone save me and help me out? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I suck at this website design thingy. I've set up a fantastic blog for The Parish, it's up and running and it's cute. The webdesign thingy is just beyond my knowledge. I'm driving myself crazy, help me please????

SOS!!!!

13 pet peeves...

After a few weeks of break, here's my return...

Thirteen Things Pet Peeves



1…. Not Washing Hands After Using the Restroom.. (that seriously creeps me out)

2. Bad Service at a Restaurant ( WTF is up with that, who am I? Did you wanted a tip?)

3. Poor Driving Etiquette (Please, follow the freaking rules)

4. Hypocrites (self explanatory)

5. Getting “their” and “they’re”, or “you’re” and “your” mixed up. (please work on your grammar, it's AAF)

6. Qualifying offensive statements with: “No offence, but…."

7. People who withdraw money from the ATM, then take 5 minutes to count all the money, review their statement, put stuff back in their bag. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.

8. People assuming that they know you when they don't.

9. People who spit in public (ewww what the hell???)

10. The saying "You've no need to worry if you're not doing anything wrong."

11. Mumbling, then saying "Forget it!" when people naturally don't hear.

12. People who think the whole world owes them.

13. People who smoke inside of the bus cabin. (Hello???)

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Just a short update

Forgive me my friends for being so self-centered these days. I feel I've nothing fun to blog about, I almost loathe myself because of the fact that I am unemployed. I feel my potential is wasted, who am I if I'm not working? It's not such a good feeling, I know it's a wee bit ridiculous, I've paid so much in the unemployment fund through my taxes while working, I didn't quit my job, I was laid off because my employer isn't doing well because of the crisis in that industry. I was told over and over again how amazing I was, how professional I am, how much I'm worth as a person and as an employee.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I feel so worthless? I need to get a grip. I need to let go of being a perfectionist because at the moment I'm not helping myself because I am pushing on myself these feeling of worthlessness. Honest to God, I know I need to get a grip. I wrote The Friendly Boss (TFB) a long email yesterday inside of which I told him about this. I'm aware of this, means I should move on eh?

My self worth is linked to what I do, that I get but I am still me. I am still the hard worker, motivated, happy I'm the professional, that didn't change. I am still ME. I will get myself a fabulous job soon. I will get back to a place I need to be at. But for the moment I need to relax a bit, I need to not be so hard on myself. I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not saying this to convince any of you guys, it's to help it sink in in my head.

I went to the meeting I had for the organisation I'm a member of and even tho I didn't feel like it, even tho I wish I didn't had to go, I went and I'm glad I did. People were nice, it was interesting and I felt I was important, It helped me feel better, it made me feel useful. Like when I got home tonight from a nice evening at The Tall Friend (TTF) and his wife (I'm sorry sweetie, you are going to have to help me find a nickname for you) I had a message on my answering machine from my dear Sweet Wife (SW). She needs my help for something and I was soo happy to say yes, not just because I love her and TFB dearly, not just because I would do anything for my friends (which is true) but very much because it's going to make me feel useful. I will be useful, how fucking beautiful is this?

I made chocolate truffle when I got home tonight (well the ganache part) and I will roll them tomorrow. I also baked brownies for the meeting I have tomorrow night. I'm doing all of this to feel better and it's helping. Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be a great day. I'm going to be looking for a job, I'll go to TFB and SW's house in the afternoon and will have dinner there and I've got a meeting in the evening.

What else? I've worked on the Parish's application to get a student program this summer, it needs to be well composed so we'll get the student and the money to pay him/her.

Have a great night and take all care... Thanks for bearing with me!

PS: I had lunch with my former HR director and it was very nice, she was sweet and fun and caring. We had a great time. She did pay for lunch too. I am glad we had lunch together...

It's Monday, I don't have much to say but here's an update.

It's true, I will be pretty boring because I don't have much to say, my life's not so glamorous these days. Anyway, I went to the unemployment office this morning, what a humility lesson this was, it was my first time in such office. I felt like shit in the first few minutes but OK after all. Luckily So they will be treating my case in the next 35 days, that's as long as it takes to receive your first check. What do people who don't have any money aside do? I guess the system doesn't give a flying shit.

Before I left this morning I called to enroll again to the Province prescription drug insurance, after waiting 15 minutes on hold, I spoke with someone and within 2 minutes, was enrolled again.

I spend most of my afternoon looking at jobs online, I send 3 application for jobs, send an email to a company I send my resume to on Friday to just let 'em know I'm interested in the position and would like to join them.

I also exchanged emails with my former human resources manager at Big Multinational Company (BMC) we are going for lunch tomorrow. As I've said before, that woman is a rock, if I had 50% of her assurance, I'd move mountains. I need to get as confident, I need to have that inner drive. She's an inspiration for me and I told her in a card last week.

Other than that I've got a meeting tomorrow during dinner, I'm on the board of council of a public organisation (how to make and manage a budget conferences and activities for the low income, debts counsel, taxes for people with low income, it's a good organisation) and the monthly meeting is tomorrow. I don't feel like going. If I was listening to myself I would just quit. Anyway this is a volunteer thing. I'm one of the few members of their council. It gives me nothing at the moment. I know, I'm going to shut up and go and pretend to be interested. For some reason I don't feel like giving everyone.

It's not a matter of energy because there's a parish meeting for some members of the church council on Wednesday and I'm interested in going and I know it's important. I just don't care about the other one. I'm mean eh?

Ialso emailed The Friendly Boss (TFB), I wanted to tell him about my day, get news from him and his dear wife, I wanted to vent about the fact that I'm a perfectionist and it's a great thing on the workplace but it's something that's drivin' me batty in my life (intimate). I am so demanding of myself, I'm sometimes my worse enemy. Who here is a perfectionist? Who here is driving herself crazy with that?

What's up with you guys?

Little bits of everything from the weekend...

Well, the weekend after all was fun. I did relax on Friday night... Saturday I grocery shopped, cooked and cleaned, I even went to mass again. Two weeks in a row, I'm good eh? and it was OK. Then today I went with TFB and SW to the restaurant for a late breakfast, that too was very very nice. These two people are awesome, I know I've talked about them before but I am truly blessed to have 'em in my life. They are lucky to have me in their life also, I'm good, I'm nice, I'm fun.

This afternoon The Young Priest (TYP) and I went for a walk, it was 20 below zero but it was nice, we stopped for a coffee, then at the parish's office to fix some stuff for the confirmation camp (which I'm not doing anymore)... Then what? I relaxed, watched TV, I was lazy.

I'm going to the unemployment office tomorrow morning, then I need to call the stupid province med insurance to subscribe again because my ins at BMC isn't valid anymore. The province insurance costs a lot and doesn't give you a lot. Cost a lot if you are working or are unemployed or whatever but not if you are on welfare, because after all, people on welfare deserve everything here. Whatever!!!! I had this insurance when working for The Parish because ins wasn't offered, it costs a lot every month for not much.

Anyway, I'll be applying for jobs, waiting to have news from the jobs I'm applied on. Wish me luck!!!! I'll be active, motivated, I'll be me.

Thanks everyone who's sending me prayers, positive thoughts and all. I love you!

It is over, it's a new beginning...

Well my job at Big Multinational Company (BMC) ended at 15h30 this afternoon. I'm now unemployed... This isn't going to be for long tho, I'm going to find something, I'm not worried about it. It just sucks that I've lost my job but it's not because I'm not competent enough. If that makes sense.

Yesterday the company held a cocktail party, it was fun, people were nice, food was great. They offered us a present, I received a gift certificate. I thought it was a nice attention to have... I also scheduled a lunch with my human resources manager. She's a very cool person, a strong woman, someone I've come to admire, respect and like a lot. So we're havin' lunch in town this coming Tuesday.

So today, I worked all morning, my team and I went to lunch together, we invited 2 people to join is, the IT department people. Lunch was a treat from my boss at the plant, I came back at the office, took care of one last thing... I called some of our rep, went to see a lot of people to say goodbye and I left with one of the director at 15h30.

I'm home, I took a warm bath when I got here, got into my jammies (I know I'm predictable) and ate dinner... I turned down an invitation because I needed some time with myself. I had a phone talk with SW and TFB, I have sent a resume and a presentation letter for a job in customer service. That's something I like and I'm good at it.

so we shall see. On Monday morning I'll be going to the unemployment office to at least have my case open and we'll see for the rest...

Have a great weekend!!!!

I'd do a Thursday 13...

But I'm too tired, sick and whiny but I'll post this for everyone to read. I wrote this in a farewell card I'm going to give my human resource manager.


Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you:
May the wind be always at your back,
The sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.


I'm going to keep you guys up to date with everything.

It's tuesday night and I'm sick with a cold....

I feel like utter shit, all day sick with a bad cold, I've been a bit sick but crap today? I felt like I was hit by a fucking B-Train.

At 9h30 I call our guy in charge of shipping and begged him for some pills, decongestant or something. He had Sudafed, I almost ran to his department to get the pill. I took it and felt better until 15h00 when the effect was gone. Shit, for 2 hours I sneezed, coughed and blew my nose who was very stuffed. Anyway, I bought decongestant and lozenges, I just took 1 pill with 2 Benadryl to be able to sleep because pseudo-ephedrine makes me hyper.

Anyway, I felt sick, my throat hurts, my glands are swollen, my nose is stuffed and I have to come out to let all of you guys know. It's an important truth, something you need to know and that you'd know if you knew me IRL.

I'm a whiny baby when I'm sick, I'm really whiny and needy and wish someone would/could cook for me, fix me food and take care of me. I'm usually the one who takes care but when I'm sick, for God's sake, I'm whiny.

How's everyone? I had an OK day at work, tomorrow will be better and busier. This evening I spoke with The Passionate One and then called The Friendly Boss (TFB) because I'd gotten an email from him early in the evening and wanted to touch base with him. We spent 2 hours on the phone trying to fix his wireless connection with his router. Needless to say we didn't fix the problem BUT we had a nice talk, we chatted and laughed. It was relaxing.. I hadn't planned to stay on the phone with him 2 hours but it was a pleasure to do so. The man's always there when I need him, always, he comes or listens.

We didn't fix the problem but I found a solution. I email a friend of The Father, he's a computer technician, he's a genius. He's the one who help me with my router, so he'll help TFB for sure tomorrow. He already replied to my email saying "Tell him to call me at that time".

So, I'd stay online longer but I've gotta work tomorrow. Even if it's my last week, I still need to be good, professional and work hard. I have told my team to use me for the days left "I said guys, I'm available, anything you want, I'll do the calculation on anything, explain what needs to be done and I'll do it. Use my potential please, I want to, use me" and they've agreed to it. I'll be helpful, there's nothing worse for someone like me not to be used at our full potential if that makes sense.

Thursday, the company is throwing a 5-7 in a bar in Bigger City to celebrate my departure and 2 others. I'll be going. When they asked me if I agreed to it I said yes, but that made me a bit sad, because I'm actually going to be leaving on Friday.

Hope you guys are well!!!

It's already sunday night!

argghhh!!!! Can you believe the weekend is almost over? I can't but good things have to come to an end. Tomorrow is my last Monday at this job. Tomorrow is the first day of my last week there. It's kinda bittersweet but whatever, I can't do much about it. The only thing I have control of is my attitude, that's what I can control, that's what I do control.

I've got a bit of a cold, my throat is itchy and a little painful, I've been taking Tylenol and bought some lozenges today.

You know what I told TFB yesterday afternoon? We were talking about our mass, how it can be really boring, how we need to improve and make some changes because clearly, less and less people are attention, I said "I wish our celebrations were interesting to attend when things aren't bad". Because in time of crisis, any type of mass can be OK but when things are good and life's calm, it can get really boring. Does it make any sense? I did go to church yesterday in the evening and like I just said, it was good because I needed just peace and quietness.

I'm in a good mood, I'll survive this, I've been through worse.

I hope you guys have a great week!!!!

Check my new look, AKA Thanks to NW Designs!

I was blessed to receive a blog makeover, offered by NW Designs. Isn't it great???

She is fun to work with, I had no ides what I really wanted, so she followed some things about me and her instinct. Her work is great. Follow this link to visit her NW Designs Blog.

Thanks so much chicky, you brightened my weekend. So, do you guys like it?

It's Friday night and I'm relaxing....

You know what surprises me the most in the light of the recent news? How fast I went back to prayer, it's always going back to what is essential in time of crisis to focus on what needs to be done... Roll up our sleeves and focus on what needs to be done. But whatever, I've been praying a lot, I've been doing the serenity prayers as much as I do breathings.

One sentence that was on my mind a lot "My heart is steadfast God, My heart is steadfast". And I kept taking myself back mentally to where I need to be. When it's at work, to be there 110%, focus baby, focus. I know I'm kinda hard on myself, don't worry, I know but whatever, it's keeping me pretty happy and positive.

I've prayed and repeated in my mind Don't take it personal, it has nothing to do with you, breathe, calm down, it has nothing to do with you".

People commented on my ability to focus and how strong I am. What the fuck? Would you really want me to lose it in front of you? You'd like me to cry and cry? What would you do? I'm just not willing to open up my sadness and my emotions at work. I have trouble opening up to friends, I'm just not going to do it with strangers.

I stayed until 17h30 yesterday because something needed to be taken care of and this morning I was at my office working at 7h20. I am paid BTW from 8h00 to 17h00. I am not paid for overtime, and even if I'm leaving next Friday, I'm acting like I'm going to be employed by the company for 20 more years. Does it make sense to you? Because it's shocks so many people at work that I react that way.

I know I shut off my emotions when in turmoil, I don't open up easily, that's why I was saying how great it was that I open up with TFB so easily . I keep my eyes on the goal, focus and keep the peace because when one door shuts down, 10 more open. I believe there's something waiting for me... I know NO details but in my heart I believe that everything will be OK.

It's not easy and I'm not super woman, seriously I'm not but I control only my attitude and that makes the difference in how I see things.

I'm ready to relax all weekend, I'll drag my butt to church tomorrow but the rest of the weekend is up for peace, quietness.... I'll keep in touch with TFB and SW and with other friend.

I'm sleepy, I drank some Amarula a little earlier, poured some in a glass, straight from the bottle, I would have drank some more but I didn't wanted to get drunk...I know, I'm a good girl. Mr.Cat is looking at me, he's a hater, this cat is just not supportive, he just focus on his own little cat needs! I will put a lot of food in his bowl so he lets me sleep in tomorrow.As I'm being mean to him, he just lays on the fllow looking all cute. :sigh: You never win with 'em males. TFB would call me a sexist right at this moment if he heard me. Whatever, you guys are mysterious, humans or cats.

Sorry for the long entry, It felt good.

Well, finally an update

Sorry guys about my lack of blogging, I just had a crazy week. I read the emails that you sent me, comments but I was busy at work, then in a meeting last night until 22h00.

I'm hangin' in... I had not prayed that much in months, I'm still pretty not willing to discuss this at length. I've talked about it a lot with TFB because than man is special, I opened up with my doctor on Tuesday... At work people are pretty shocked with my mature reaction, impressed at how professional I am and they've been telling me since Monday. My boss, the one at the company's head office told me yesterday how freaking impressed he is with me and the way I'm handling myself and my attitude. We'll see how next week goes. But to impress the bigger boss at head office is a positive thing.

I spoke with our human resources manager, she's a very sweet person, as I was telling TFB last night, I wish I had 50% of her confidence, gosh I would break walls!!! She was incredibly sweet with me, we talked in person but it was easier for us to connect by emails afterwards. Anyway, at the plant, I'm seen as very strong, mature, professional and positive.

Today was a busy crazy day but few times I had to tell myself "This isn't personal, relax, this has nothing to do with you, don't take it personal"... Like managements meetings to which I'm invited by emails but that I can't attend, everyone is going but me but as I said, this has nothing to do with me, it's OK. It's not easy not to take it fucking personal but I was able to relax and let go. I'm exhausted, over tired. I need to sleep, I want to rest....

Thanks to everyone who's thinking of me.. Thanks to NapWarden who's making me a great template..


Love ya all!!!

Guess what I did this evening?

Following an hour long talk with The Friendly Boss (TFB), ( my friend and former boss from before), I updated my presentation letter and my resume and actually send an application for a job as a customer sales representative, something similar to what I'm doing now. I know am good at it, I enjoy that type of job.

It helped me to do an action like this one, a first step. I've been looking at jobs, classes in tech school, in college, at university. I've been kinda looking everywhere. Tonight the long talk helped me focus and ACT. It pacified me, the talk really did... Share about my day, my stress, my weekend, his too and his perceptions . I'm feelin' good, focus on the only thing I can control: my attitude.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

God, Thank you for giving love and family to some close people around me who deserve the best and needed badly those moments....

If people want to keep in their thoughts and prayers my colleagues who were laid-off Thursday, I'm sure it'd help.

I've been listening to this since yesterday. How sad is this? Borderline pathetic eh? Hold me for a while is the name of the song.

Well, what a day it was....

Au contraire of all of my fears the day was OK and actually good. The weirdest but good for the self esteem thing was that so many people gave me positive feedback on my maturity, my professionalism, the way I was handling the news. I'm also the only one who was laid off that actually came back to finish the 2 weeks... Can you please keep those other people in your thoughts? Some had been working at BMC for many many years.

I know I'm mature and professional but it's nice to hear it by others. I'm also not the type to pour my heart onto strangers, I mean, I'm really sad to be laid-off but I'm still going to keep my head up and act like the woman I am. I'm strong, I am a peacekeeper and I can do whatever I want. Sky's the limit!

It's very important to keep a good name and have a good reputation, I will preserve it because I'm acting as I should. It's sad but I know better things are to come. Thanks to each of you for the support shown and the thoughts. I really appreciate it.

I got home early because The Tall Friend picked me up at work at 17h00. Tomorrow I'm leaving work a bit early to go to a Dr's appointment that I'd cancelled in December when my boss requested that I stay when I was suppose to be off that day. It's the day my cable Internet is installed also. Phone, Internet and TV are all going to be from the cable company, screw Bell Canada. (the deserve to lose their clients, they treat us all like crap)

Again, thanks a lot for the support! I am well, I'm hangin' in tough.

Thanks Candy for reminding me...

Thanks to Candy for sending me the link again to this beautiful text.

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be,
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade in the morning
And that this will pass away, too,
Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains,
I can suffer whhatever is happening
For I know God will break all the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear,
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

I hope you have a good day and a good week. I'll be updating tonight. At the moment, I just want to do it one hour at a time, one day at a time.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hate havin' to say this

I've been trying not to post this since Thursday, because it sucks but whatever, I just cannot NOT post it, I'll eventually have to. I learned late Thursday afternoon that I was laid off. Because of financial difficulties, my job will be cut, so in 2 weeks, I won't be working at BCM anymore. They wish they could keep me, because I'm good at what I do and I'm professional but they've got to lay me off. (the company's struggling because the industry isn't easy at the moment)

I don't really wish to talk about it I have told very close friends but not everyone close to me because that's the way I am. Anyway, few people know, I'll be fine. I just think it'll all become more real if I say it here too.

I had my Friday off as planned but they offered it to me, without taking on my vacation time. I'm ready to go tomorrow. I just hope no one will be uncomfortable... From what I understand 5 employees were laid off, I'll see who the are tomorrow.

Anyway, that's update... I don't really have much more to say. I did had a OK weekend, was with a friend on Friday night, Saturday TTF and I did stuff to fix the church's microphone and system and we all had dinner together and a fun night.

I need time and peace....

I'm gonna pass on Thursday Thirteen this week

Just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to do a Thursday Thirteen this week, I could do it but I don't have time to visit everyone, it'd be unfair of me to submit one and not visit anyone eh?

I had less than 4 hours of sleep last night, I had to whip myself to finish the day and be productive cuz I was lacking sleep hours. I'm home, I'm gonna try to get my butt in bed in less than an hour. I'm going to have plenty of time to post this weekend.

I have asked my boss to take a day off Friday and he said yes. Yeah!!! I'm gonna have a 3 days weekend. Yeah baby!!!!!

So I'm going to rest, sleep, give everything I can tomorrow at work to leave for a long weekend without any worries of forgotten things and I'll update later tomorrow or Friday.

Have a great Thursday!!! Enjoy your TT, I'll see ya next week!