Diary of a future Catholic Church lay Minister
In the past 2 years and a half I've been back no only in Church but doing graduate studies in Theology. I have a year left before I graduate. I have been through a rollercoaster with illness and the presence of God, my friends, real life and all the discoveries made when you study in Theology. I've mature, grown, changed, lost weight, gained it back. ;-) My perspective on life has changed when I got very ill.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
HTC wildfire
I was with a friend with whom I studied the first two years of my degree. She and I have a great connection. We had lunch, then went shopping for thing she needed and I was able to go for the phone. I was offered a smartphone when I got a cellphone but I was very sick and felt it was too stressful to try to understand a new system. With an older phone I had nothing to understand other than where were my options and contacts. Now a smartphone is a small computer and let me tell you it's soo much fun to play with it. I think i'll have a lot of fun with it.
I've been having a lot of pain in the past weeks, I don't know if the fact that I've been eating gluten/dairy again is influencing it. Maybe??? I seriously can't afford to eat gluten/dairy free. I need to pain to go away. I need to be PAIN FREE. I NEED TO BE PAIN FREE! I think hypnosis will help for that. I have faith.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Therapeutic hypnosis
Happy thanksgiving!
What are you guys thankful for? Even if it's not Thanksgiving for us, I'll play. ;-)
I'm thankful to be safe now.
I'm thankful to have people in my life who love me and that I love very dearly.
I'm thankful that my health is improving.
I'm thankful for my freedom (this isn't something I'll ever take for granted)
I'm thankful to be receiving Faith's professionnal help.
I'm thankful that people some people believed in me few years back and gave a chance. Their faith in me was a blessing and it helped me tremendously. It got me back "on my feet".
I'm thankful for my faith in God, for my church and for the friends I've met through my journey into catholicism. (even if it wasn't always peachy)
I'm thankful that I'll be working full time as soon as my degree is completed.
I'm thankful that I didn't give up even if I went through hell and back. I'm probably stronger than I think I am ?
Happy thanksgiving and may this day be filled with love and may you always know that you are loved. This sentence from the Gospel of Mark always brings me comfort, my spiritual "director" (I don't know how to call her, she's a lay minister with a Master degree in Theology) is the one who helped me discover how this excerpt of the scripture brought peace into my soul. I hope it does the same to you. Because I'm a girl, instead of reading "son", I read that I'm His daughter. :-) I'll quote both the correct scripture and the way I read it.
And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I dearly love; in you I find happiness.” Mark 1,7-11
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Novembre 2011 update
It's been a crazy road in the past three years. Not only did had to move back in my hometown (which brought back a lot of tough issues) but I got very ill with fibromyalgia, adrenal insufficiency. It slowed me down and if it hadn't been from my doctor who kept pushing me to keep going, I would probably have stopped. It was unbereable last year. Seriously I could barely take a shower so imagine how painful it was for me to sit on a chair for several hours, trying to focus on what the teachers were saying and after doing the papers. But, by the grace of God I was able to pull through with some medication and some great friends who stuck by my side and my faith because without it I would likely have killed myself.
I hadn't been physically sick before this, well I had some issues but nothing compare to this. Chronic pain is insidious, it destroys your inside as well as your mental state because not only do you feel pain 24/7 but it also incapacitate you from doing what you were previously able to do. Before being ill I was running every fucking day, 5k a day. When I got sick I could barely walk to the bathroom and I gained 80lbs. Not cool. I wasn't eating more, I wasn't doing anything. Yeah my pharmacist and my GP told me that narcotics (morphine and oxycodone and all that jazz) made you gain weight (so did anti-depressant, cuz I tried 'em all) but something wasn't right. So finally after almost a year and a half of wondering what the fuck was going on, my doctor send me AGAIN late september for blood test and ding ding ding I suffer from hypothyroidism!!!!
Doesn't that explain everything? I didn't know shit about thyroid problem before I was dx'd but when I saw my dr in october and she had received my results and told me the "good news" that I had hypothyroidism BUT that it was really easy to manage. I started to take synthroid 0,05mg and 2 weeks after 40% of my pain was gone. And I had lost 11 lbs in 3 weeks. And I think I have lost more now. I will let my dr weight me again in december. I feel like such a fat ass. I was wearing size 2 pants and I now am wearing size 14 (they are big), in september it was size 16. So it's getting down. I hope to go back to at least a size 8. You know I hate the way I look now. I know it was the thyroid problem that caused my weight gain and also the meds and it also caused water retention but I was a tiny little thing and I feel like such a huge thing.
Anyway, there's not much I can do other than taking care of myself and working on myself. I've been doing that for a little while. There's some things I need to work on to be happier and to be at peace with myself. It's not easy to do but when you do it with someone you trust, someone competent. The person (who helps me through my journey) is a professionnal, but for the sake of this blog I'll call her Faith, because she's always had faith in me. I always give nickname to everyone from my real life. I really believe the name Faith suits her a lot. Especially with our history together.
This weekend I have a 2 days session on how to celebrate funeral services. (either as an ordained minister or as a lay minister which I'll be) I have asked to do this session because I would like to be able to celebrate funerals, either at church or at funeral homes.
Monday, August 22, 2011
I've lost a friend today
But what? Do you have any clue what really happen? she doesn't She doesn't know the context in which the incident took place but she made her mind without knowing and that is someone I've helped through numerous storms in her life without ever judging but she has made a judgment based on something written "hors contexte" as we say in french without knowing anything else.
My heart was broken this afternoon over the email and over my friend's words but right now I am angry at her. Who does she think she is to pass a judgment on me? Who is without sin can cast the first stone. Jn 8,7
I send back an email 30 minutes after receiving hers. She hasn't replied, I don't know if she will but I do believe I've lost a friend. I pray for her and I'm asking God to help me to forgive her for being so ignorant on something she know fucking nothing about. If only she knew what she was talking about. She passed a judgment on the most painful times of my entire life.
Sometimes people are not who we thought they were. I forgive her but I won't forget and I don't think I could ever trust again but I forgive as of my heart is not full of anger. I offer all of what is inside to Him, my Beloved.
The need to sleep
I started last thursday ritalin to be able to focus, to fight against what is called "fibromyalgia fog". It's many neurological symptoms that make you almost unable to do anything but sleeping. It has helped right away but in the next week, I'll be trying to find the right dosage: I started at a lower dose, 10 mg in the morning and 5 mg at lunch time. No later than this because it could affect my sleep but as of now it hasn't because when it's passed 12h30, I don't take the 2nd dose.
Anyone else dealing with fibromyalgia? I take several medication and the pain med is oxycontin and it helps a lot, gave me back my life, this combined with anti-depressant and several others and keeping me active. This for me is fantastic and almost a miracle because for several months I was bed ridden and could barely walk. I will start to go to the gym next week (it will open next week at the local college, it is less expensive) and do cardio and weight training 2-3 times a week. I want to lose weight and get back in shape because it helps with the pain. It will help me get ready for the winter. I am scared because last winter was very very difficult for me healt wise...
BTW thanks to my friend Vixen, I'm happy to be back. I have been reading your blog and your DIL (it's on my google reader) even if I wasn't commenting... Much love to you 2. xxxx
Saturday, August 20, 2011
on being single
It is kind of strange to go back in the past and read what I'd written, without going in any details. :-)
two and a half years later
I'm a full time student at Big Bad University in City A (2 hours away from me) but I take all of my classes in the city I reside in because my Diocese has implanted a School of Theology and pastoral care affiliated with Big Bad University because their reputation is excellent. So our professor are either Lay minister with Master's degree or with PH'd in Theology and sometimes it's professor from BBU that do come from City A. It hasn't been the opposite (us having to go there). There are 40 000 students in BBU's campus but we're never more than 50-75 and I've been the only full time student. Our School of Theology and pastoral care was implanted in 2004-05. It is quite recent. Anyway, I'm glad it has allowed me to stay in my area but the other side of the medal is that in a small institution you have less classes available and when you're full time like me, you end up taking more online classes than you'd like.
I've been very very ill with debilitating fibromyalgia, it all started a little more than 18 months ago and since then my life hasn't been the same. It took my dr and I several months to figure out the right medication that would take the severe pain away but we finally found it and it's not as bad now that it is under control. What I have to fight is the "fibro fog" but I started this week a new medication "Ritalin" to help me focus and concentrate on my school work and be able to read. The past 4-5 weeks were too bad.
I think I'm going to be blogging again. I hope people will be reading me.
xxx
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I'm writing for myself
Saturday, November 1, 2008
7 weird facts about me
Friday, October 10, 2008
A much due update
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Sunday Stealing
Unconscious Mutterings
Please mutter with me. Together our individual mutterings create a symphony of mind, thought, and joy. Our word association prompts were created by the lovely Pea at LunaNina.com
Here’s the list! Leave your answers in the comments and I’ll post your link!Monday, August 25, 2008
Commonly confused words test
Your result for The Commonly Confused Words Test...
English Genius
You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 80% Expert!
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
What your bed says about you?
What Your Bed Says About You |
Outward appearances are very important to you. You do your best to look good and have an attractive home. You try to be an organized person, but you often fall behind. Certain parts of your life tend to fall into chaos. You are very high maintenance. You like everything a certain way, and you're grumpy if things aren't the way you like them. In relationships, you tend to kick back and let the other person be in charge. You tend to be a dreamy, head in the clouds type of person. You think in terms of possibilities. You are a total homebody. You are happiest when you're at home. |
Unconscious muttering
- Cry :: out
- Stretch :: marks
- Efficient :: me
- Brunch :: sunday
- Afro :: hair
- Preheat :: convenient food
- Delicious :: chocolate
- Global warming :: scary
- Actions :: saving the world
- Ride :: home
That's an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we're just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I'll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.
"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head. AND you don't have to have your words up on Sunday. Take all week if you want!
Monday, August 18, 2008
You are Ernie
You Are Ernie |
You are usually feeling: Amused - you are very easily entertained You are famous for: Always making people smile. From your silly songs to your wild pranks, you keep things fun. How you life your life: With ease. Life is only difficult when your friends won't play with you! |
Thanks to Jenny and The Gal. They both took it and inspired me to do the same.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Unconscious Mutterings
- Signature :: pen
- Olympics :: medals
- 100% :: success
- Damn! :: again
- Gold :: medal
- Fresh and natural :: look
- Fraction :: math
- Hurry :: late
- Summer :: over
- 29th :: end of the month
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Saturday nine
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Had my first driver's lesson tonight and other things...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow morning?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I'm alive
I hope you guys are well. I'll be updating more tomorrow, I'm not home. If anyone wants to get in touch with me, my email addy is in my profile.
Take care!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
The bad blogger update
On the student, the update is that we hired a young lady that's being doing a FANTASTIC job. She's serious, wants to work, on time, dedicated and people appreciate her. It's been a good thing. We hired her on July 3rd and she started on the 4th. And because of the fact that she's independent and doing a good job, I've been able to not go there as much. I have to admit that The Lawyer has pushed me to let go and let her work alone and to trust her. (cut the cord) I'm maybe over-protective, insecure or controlling ??? (Don't answer) but I wanted to go there too much and she gently but firmly told me that once a week to visit my student is enough. She can reach me at home or on my cell phone if there's anything, but nothing more than that.
On the topic of being pushed (insert roll-eyes smiley)The Lawyer's been pushing me (gently and with affection) about me not having my driver's license. I have finally, after many discussions, taken an appointment for august 7th to ger my learner's license. I have refused for over 10 years, it was not even something I was willing to discuss. But sometimes, when you are ready to be pushed, you "get the message".
I've been working but also reading a lot, taken some sun, enjoyed the summer even if we haven' been having that much nice weather. Even if I'm just enjoying life I've been working and growing a lot inside ...
I miss you guys but I'm not far, I'm just on the other side of the blog's door. My one year anniversary is coming, I'm going to get my butt back at it's place.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
A belated update but I've got a good excuse
We didn't needed that. I've been wondering, what the hell am I suppose to learn from all of this?
1. Don't trust anyone
2. The generation of the 20 years old and less sucks (What are they called, the Y generation?)
3. Dealing with employee is a pain in the ass?
4. I can't control everything and sometimes even if you do your best, things still end up getting fucked?
5. Patience and letting go?
6. None of these answers, God's just testing your faith and you have miserably failed?
I'm half kidding, this has taken it's toll on me, I feel like hell, I don't sleep really well and I just want my life back. I seriously just want my damn life back.
breathe, breathe, breathe... Everything will work out great, in the end, it'll be fine. Tomorrow, we are interviewing 5 students, I gave them all a call and had a little chit-chat with them today. We'll see what happens. Pray for us please?
On the personal level I've had an awesome girl's night out last Friday with The Passionate One, The Lawyer and The Cute Blonde, we went shopping, bought clothes and went for sushis, it was great. Saturday night The Lawyer's parents were celebrating her brother's birthday and we played games until very late and on Sunday night I babysat 8 kiddos, ranging from the age of 2 to 12.
Off to get my butt back in the Parish's computer. I'm sorry for the lack of update and visits to each and every one of you. I promise, I'll be back.
:::smooches:::